Reflections on faith, family, and mysterious grace
I have been thinking a lot about love lately.
At seventy-six years of age, that may sound strange to some. There is a quiet assumption in our world—and sometimes even in the church—that the search for love belongs to the young. That by a certain age, the questions have been answered, the relationships settled, and the heart no longer seeks.
But I have lived long enough to know that the heart does not retire.
It continues to long.
To wonder.
To hope.
To seek connection.
And so here I am, still a pilgrim on the road, still learning what it means to love—and to be loved.
Looking Back Without Shame
I have been married twice. I have been in a same-sex relationship. I have dated, hoped, and at times, been disappointed. When I look back, I can see clearly now that I did not always understand what it meant to be in a relationship.
I married my first wife when I was nineteen. I was far from home, lonely, and searching for connection more than covenant. I did not yet know the difference.
My second marriage came at a time when I felt pressure—pressure to maintain stability, to protect my work, to do what seemed necessary. Again, I entered into something I did not fully understand.
Later, I found myself in a relationship shaped more by desire and loneliness than by the slow, steady work of building love.
I do not write these words with regret or condemnation. Those younger versions of myself were doing the best they knew how with the understanding they had.
But I do write them with clarity.
Because clarity is a form of grace.
What I Am Learning Now
In these later years, something has shifted within me.
I am beginning to see the difference between:
- being wanted and being loved
- words spoken and actions lived
- pressure and peace
I have met people along the way—some who stirred interest, some who awakened hope, and some who revealed patterns I have come to recognize more clearly now.
What I have discovered is this:
Not every connection is meant to become a relationship.
Not every expression of affection is rooted in love.
And not every feeling should be trusted without reflection.
Love—real love—is something deeper.
Love and the Nature of God
In my journey of faith, one truth has become central to me:
“God is love.” — Bible (1 John 4:8)
If that is true—and I believe it is—then love is not merely an emotion that comes and goes. It is the very nature of God expressed in the world.
God’s love is not driven by impulse.
It is not manipulative.
It does not demand or coerce.
As Bible tells us:
“Love is patient, love is kind… it does not insist on its own way.” (1 Corinthians 13)
The more I reflect on this, the more I realize:
Love is not something we fall into blindly.
It is something we learn to recognize… and choose.
What to Look for in Love
If I could sit with you on the front porch and speak plainly from my life, I would say this:
Choose peace over intensity.
A relationship built on constant uncertainty is not love—it is anxiety.
Watch actions, not just words.
Words can be beautiful. But love is revealed in consistency.
Honor your own worth.
Do not give yourself to someone who pressures you, diminishes you, or takes more than they give.
Pay attention to your spirit.
There is a quiet voice within that often knows the truth before the mind catches up.
Look for someone who walks beside you.
Not someone who pulls from you, but someone who journeys with you.
It Is Not Too Late
Perhaps the most surprising lesson of all is this:
It is not too late.
Not too late to learn.
Not too late to grow.
Not too late to love in a deeper, more honest way.
The love I seek now is not the love I sought at nineteen.
It is quieter.
More grounded.
Less about being rescued… and more about walking together.
I am not looking for someone to take away loneliness.
I am looking for someone who understands that life is a journey—and is willing to walk it in truth, kindness, and faith.
An Invitation to Fellow Travelers
If you are young, I hope you will learn these things sooner than I did.
If you are older, I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not finished.
Your story is not over.
Your capacity to love has not expired.
There is still time—not to repeat the past, but to choose differently.
To love with awareness.
To love with intention.
To love in a way that reflects the very heart of God.
A Closing Blessing
May you never settle for a love that diminishes you.
May you recognize the difference between pressure and peace.
May you find one who walks beside you with honesty and gentleness.
And may you discover, whether alone or with another,
that you are already held
in the mysterious, faithful, and unending love of God.
—The Curious Pilgrim
The Curious Pilgrim 
Leave a comment